February 2012
14 posts
Jon Richardson will be on That Sunday Night Show...
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Anonymous asked: Jon Richardson had said his height was 5'9" in series 1 episode 2 of Grouch Young Men
Jon on text messaging acronymns, 2007/02/25.
Jon: I hate "lol". The only thing I hate more than "lol" is people who write "hahaha".
Russell: What does "lol" mean?
Jon: "Laugh out loud". And its partner "rofl": "roll on the floor laughing". If you've actually rolled on the floor laughing, then don't bother to spell it! And if, genuinely, I've sent you a text so funny that you fell off your chair and rolled on the floor, bother to write, "I've just rolled on the floor! Unbelievable!" Don't [say]: "Well, that happens to me everyday so I'll abbreviate that to four letters and nor will I bother to capitalise and put a full stop to indicate the abbreviation."
Russell tries to cheer Jon up with food,...
Russell: So I got some sandwiches, some chocolate biscuits, some fig rolls... Left the sandwiches at home, haven't I? So we haven't got them...
Jon: Fig rolls? I never even saw the fig rolls!
Russell: I ate them on the way.
Jon: Unbelievable...
"Happy as Larry", 2007/02/25.
Jon: I woke up and I was, I was clear as day. I was happy as Larry-
Russell: You were not! When are you *ever* happy as Larry?!
Jon: I live the dream, mate.
Russell: Unless Larry is a massive grump.
Watchbackstageblogger:
Check out this excellent Jon Richardson interview filmed after his show at the Pavilion last year.
Big thanks to Pixel Rain.
January 2012
27 posts
“I don’t mean to hate people, I get forced into it.”
– Jon Richardson (via sparklewang)
“Bad things happen when you get out of bed. The minute you stop being under a...”
– Jon Richardson (via sparklewang)
“I am in no doubt that if you use the term luv in a letter or text message then...”
– Jon Richardson (via sparklewang)
Russell and Jon on Jon finding finding a house in...
Russell: He's got a little two-bed with a garden - you were very excited, weren't you? ... You should've heard it, he left me the best message on my answerphone, it was fantastic. [Imitates Jon's voice.] "Well, you are listening to a house-owner in the Swindon area!" It was brilliant. Then I rang him up the next day, and you were in a bad mood again.
Jon: Yep, that's the crazy rollercoaster that is being a friend with me.
Jon tells Russell about a text message he sees a...
Jon: I see him texting his girlfriend. He's just got a new job, he's delighted. He's delighted, and she's been very supportive-
Russell: You've read the entire thing? This is proper rude! Go on...
Jon: He says, "Can I just tell u how much I love u?" Lovely, right? But "you", the letter "u". I thought, "Just don't bother, then." I decided that if anyone ever texted me and said "I love u" - and let's be honest, the chances are slim - with the letter "u", I would text back and say, "Well, we've all got our favourite letters but there's no need to be so arrogant about it.".
Russell: Right, well there's a couple of things to pick up on that. A) Is that the fact you're getting outraged at a man who's receiving a text like that-
Jon: *Sending* a text, Russell. Sending a text.
Russell: *Sending a text*, when you're *reading* the text that he's sending, which is surely the bigger problem.
Jon: Not at all. It's not like I was reading it out loud.
Jon gets heated about incorrect grammar and...
Jon: I'm going to release a brand, right, called "Baked Bean's in Tomato Sauce".
Russell: Yes?
Jon: I'm gonna put "beans" with an apostrophe "s".
Russell: Yes?
Jon: In that tin will be one bean in tomato sauce. People will buy those beans and they'll come to Trading Standards going, "hey, there's only one bean in here!" and I'll go, "well, if you read the label you'll find that's all that's implied: Baked Bean *is* in Tomato Sauce. It's more of an existential statement."
Russell: As a business, it's not really going to kick off, is it? Let's be honest.
Jon: I know, but people will learn a lesson because they'll think, "I'll never buy those beans again and I'll learn correct use of an apostrophe!".
Russell: Why do you want them to learn that lesson?
Jon: Because that's what apostrophes are for!
Jon: I can't be celibate! I couldn't go cold turkey, not with all the... Cold turkey I've been getting...
Russell: But you take a lot of pleasure in it... Being one of few celibate people in this day and age.
Jon: What? No, I don't, mate.
Russell: Oh, come on now, you enjoy it! There's an intellectual air about you because of your lack of... Because you don't engage in the ways of the flesh.
Jon: I do want to...
Russell: You do? Well I can sort this for you!
Jon: Well, yeah... To be honest I'd do anyone. I'm pretty desperate.
Russell: Noel Edmonds?
Jon: ...Step too far.
Jon: I'm Filch, I'm Moe from The Simpsons... I'm basically anyone alone and bitter on the inside, aren't I, Russell?
Jimmy: What does the British nation prefer: the Queen or a full English breakfast?
Jon: To eat?
Vote JON RICHARDSON for funniest male! →
December 2011
31 posts
“There’s a story in the paper about a politician called Greg Barker, who they...”
– Jon Richardson (via bigmagnets)
“I do not subscribe to the view that we are placed here by some kind of higher...”
– Jon Richardson, ‘It’s Not Me, It’s You!’ (via montypop)
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